Parents and children (Siṅgālasutta / DN 31)

In the Siṅgālasutta (DN 31) the Buddha names six directions and their corresponding relations:

“And how, householder’s son, does a noble disciple cover the six directions? These six directions should be recognized: parents as the east, tutors as the south, partner and children as the west, friends and colleagues as the north, bondservants and workers as beneath, and ascetics and brahmins as above.

In the sutta, the Buddha expounds on how one can cultivate and approach our relationships. It provides a framework for interactions with others, which is useful in informing lay followers on how to behave and conduct themselves. The sutta states the following on how children should treat their parents:

A child should serve their parents as the eastern quarter in five ways, thinking: ‘I will support those who supported me. I’ll do my duty for them. I’ll maintain the family lineage. I’ll take care of the inheritance. When they have passed away, I’ll make an offering on their behalf.’ Parents served by the children in these five ways show sympathy to them in five ways. They keep them from doing bad. They support them in doing good. They train them in a profession. They connect them with a suitable partner. They transfer the inheritance in due time. Parents served by their children in these five ways show sympathy to them in these five ways. And that’s how the eastern quarter is covered, kept safe and free of peril.

To enumerate them:

• A child should support their parents—'those who supported me'.
• A child should perform their duties and chores.
• A child should maintain the family lineage, i.e., ensure the continuation of the family.
• A child should take care of the inheritence.
• A child should make offerings on behalf of their parents after their passing.

What does it mean to 'support those who supported me'? The term used in the text is 'bharissāmi', which means grow, raise, or nurture. While the text talks about one's obligations to one's parents, there is a clear implication here that expects parents to support and take care of their children. It is not a one-sided relationship where duty only flows one way. Instead, children are supporting good, supportive, and nurturing parents. Does this mean that having bad parents means we have no obligation to them? Not necessarily, but clearly they do not deserve any support beyond what one might deem appropriate as they do not qualify as those who have supported ('bharissāmi') oneself.

Qualities of a lay follower (Caṇḍālasutta / AN 5.175)

In the Caṇḍālasutta (AN 5.175), the Buddha mentions five unfavorable qualities of "a stain of a lay follower" and five favorable qualities of "a lotus of a lay follower". Those who possess the former were described as an 'outcaste' while those who possess the latter are a 'jewel'.

“Endowed with these five qualities, a lay follower is an outcaste of a lay follower, a stain of a lay follower, a dregs of a lay follower. Which five? He/she does not have conviction [in the Buddha’s Awakening]; is unvirtuous; is eager for protective charms & ceremonies; trusts protective charms & ceremonies, not kamma; and searches for recipients of his/her offerings outside [of the Saṅgha], and gives offerings there first. Endowed with these five qualities, a lay follower is an outcaste of a lay follower, a stain of a lay follower, a dregs of a lay follower.

“Endowed with these five qualities, a lay follower is a jewel of a lay follower, a lotus of a lay follower, a fine flower of a lay follower. Which five? He/she has conviction; is virtuous; is not eager for protective charms & ceremonies; trusts kamma, not protective charms & ceremonies; does not search for recipients of his/her offerings outside [of the Saṅgha], and gives offerings here first. Endowed with these five qualities, a lay follower is a jewel of a lay follower, a lotus of a lay follower, a fine flower of a lay follower.”

To begin, it is worth noting that while the first set of qualities are presented negatively in this sutta, it does not change the status of an individual from a Buddhist to a non-Buddhist. A person remains as a lay follower.