“And how, householder’s son, does a noble disciple cover the six directions? These six directions should be recognized: parents as the east, tutors as the south, partner and children as the west, friends and colleagues as the north, bondservants and workers as beneath, and ascetics and brahmins as above.
In the sutta, the Buddha expounds on how one can cultivate and approach our relationships. It provides a framework for interactions with others, which is useful in informing lay followers on how to behave and conduct themselves. The sutta states the following on how children should treat their parents:
A child should serve their parents as the eastern quarter in five ways, thinking: ‘I will support those who supported me. I’ll do my duty for them. I’ll maintain the family lineage. I’ll take care of the inheritance. When they have passed away, I’ll make an offering on their behalf.’ Parents served by the children in these five ways show sympathy to them in five ways. They keep them from doing bad. They support them in doing good. They train them in a profession. They connect them with a suitable partner. They transfer the inheritance in due time. Parents served by their children in these five ways show sympathy to them in these five ways. And that’s how the eastern quarter is covered, kept safe and free of peril.
To enumerate them:
- A child should support their parents—'those who supported me'.
- A child should perform their duties and chores.
- A child should maintain the family lineage, i.e., ensure the continuation of the family.
- A child should take care of the inheritence.
- A child should make offerings on behalf of their parents after their passing.
What does it mean to 'support those who supported me'? The term used in the text is 'bharissāmi', which means grow, raise, or nurture. While the text talks about one's obligations to one's parents, there is a clear implication here that expects parents to support and take care of their children. It is not a one-sided relationship where duty only flows one way. Instead, children are supporting good, supportive, and nurturing parents. Does this mean that having bad parents means we have no obligation to them? Not necessarily, but clearly they do not deserve any support beyond what one might deem appropriate as they do not qualify as those who have supported ('bharissāmi') oneself.
When it comes to the form of support should be provided, I believe that this can be culturally relative. Within the context of many societies today, this can mean helping out in their house every once in a while (assuming one has moved out or live independently) or caring for them (or setting up a way for them to be cared for) once they get old. The term used in the text is 'bhato', meaning supported, fed, reared, or maintained. This can also mean helping them out when calamity or misfortune strikes, such as providing for their needs while they get back on their feet, or when they are generally in need.
Performing one's duties and chores for them are within the same vein. Admittedly, duties here can mean many things depending on the culture. It would be appropriate to simply be a filial and loving child to one's parents. If one is young, this can mean helping out with mowing the lawn or washing the dishes. If one is older, this can mean contributing to household expenses or doing physical work around the house. Within the context of the sutta, it revolves around the items enumerated by the Buddha and essentially has the meaning of sharing the burden or load of life and the household with one's parents.
When it comes to maintaining the family lineage, it is as straightforward as making sure that there are children to inherit one's legacy, fortune, and name. Why is this important for Buddhists? It is important to ensure that there is a new generation of Buddhists, who will support, practice, and propagate the Dhamma. This new generation will be made up of lay followers and monastics, who in turn will guide and instruct another generation of Buddhists, and so on and so forth. When there are good parents who instruct their children on the Dhamma and instill in them faith and ethics, we produce good children who will eventually do the same as their parents did. That is the importance of maintaining the family lineage—not for one's family's sake or legacy alone, but for the sake of keeping the Dhamma alive and supporting the Saṅgha for as long as we possibly can until the Dhamma's eventual disappearance from the world.
When it comes to taking care of one's inheritance, this is honoring and respecting the hard work and effort one's parents put into building up, preserving, and maintaining their wealth and resources for one's sake. This also allows a person to pursue other, more important things, such as being able to undertake serious practice and study of the Dhamma, because one's wealth is stable, taken care of, and not squandered. Additionally, this makes maintining the family lineage easier as one would not need to work as hard as one would have to without an inheritance, allowing one to focus on supporting, nurturing, and guiding one's children. This also means one's children would be set up for life as their inheritance is taken care of as the inheritance passes from parents to children to one's grandchildren and so on.
Lastly, a child should make offerings on behalf of their parents once they pass away. Why? In case they were reborn as hungry ghosts (petas), we would be able to benefit them. In the Jāṇussoṇisutta (AN 10.177), it is said:
When the greetings and polite conversation were over, he sat down to one side and said to the Buddha, “We who are known as brahmins give gifts and perform memorial rites for the dead: ‘May this gift aid my departed relatives and kin. May they partake of this gift.’ But does this gift really aid departed relatives and kin? Do they actually partake of it?”
“It aids them if the conditions are right, brahmin, but not if the conditions are wrong.”
“Then, worthy Gotama, what are the right and wrong conditions?”
“Brahmin, take someone who kills living creatures, steals, and commits sexual misconduct. They use speech that’s false, backbiting, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re covetous, malicious, with wrong view. When their body breaks up, after death, they’re reborn in hell. There they survive feeding on the food of the hell beings. The conditions there are wrong, so the gift does not aid the one who lives there.
...
Take someone else who kills living creatures … and has wrong view. When their body breaks up, after death, they’re reborn in the ghost realm. There they survive feeding on the food of the beings in the ghost realm. Or else they survive feeding on what friends and colleagues, relatives and kin provide them with from here. The conditions there are right, so the gift aids the one who lives there.”
If not our parents, our relatives:
“But worthy Gotama, who partakes of that gift if the departed relative is not reborn in that place?”
“Other departed relatives reborn there will partake of that gift.”
Since we have been reborn countless times and, biologically, we are related to one another in one way or another, there will always be someone to benefit:
“But who partakes of the gift when neither that relative nor other relatives have been reborn in that place?”
“It’s impossible, brahmin, it cannot happen that that place is vacant of departed relatives in all this long time. It’s never fruitless for the donor.”
And even if we do not believe this to be the case, it is meritorious to do so anyway:
“Does the worthy Gotama propose this even when the conditions are wrong?”
“I propose this even when the conditions are wrong. Take someone who kills living creatures, steals, and commits sexual misconduct. They use speech that’s false, backbiting, harsh, or nonsensical. And they’re covetous, malicious, with wrong view. They give to ascetics or brahmins such things as food, drink, clothing, vehicles; garlands, fragrance, and makeup; and bed, house, and lighting. When their body breaks up, after death, they’re reborn in the company of elephants. There they get to have food and drink, garlands and various adornments.
Therefore, we should make it a point not just to do so at the time of our parents' passing but also regularly. We accrue merit by doing something as wholesome as this, and we benefit not just our parents but also our other deceased relatives. Additionally, making religious donations honors the names and legacy of our parents. It is a demonstration of one's upbringing, their ability and capacity to raise good children, and one's gratitude for their support and care while they were alive. Even without the metaphysical benefits, it is an excellent celebration of their lives to give as they have given you.
All of this come with some expectations on the end of parents, however. Going back to the first quotation:
Parents served by the children in these five ways show sympathy to them in five ways. They keep them from doing bad. They support them in doing good. They train them in a profession. They connect them with a suitable partner. They transfer the inheritance in due time. Parents served by their children in these five ways show sympathy to them in these five ways.
To enumerate:
- Parents keep their children from doing bad.
- Parents support their children in doing good.
- Parents train their children in a profession.
- Parents connect their children with a suitable partner.
- Parents transfer their children's inheritance in due time.
For the first and second points, they clearly point to discipline. A good parent does not simply allow their children to do whatever they want nor do they cover up their mistakes. Instead, parents discipline them in order to instill on their children what is good and what is bad. Out of compassion for one's children, not wanting them to have unfortunate rebirths in the animal, hungry ghost, or hell realms, parents should ensure that their children are predisposed towards ethics and the practice of the Dhamma.
On the third point, that is training in a profession, this can be viewed from a modern perspective as education. Nowadays, education is the usual prerequisite or training for a profession or job. Professionals are usually regulated and require some form of licensure. Thus, education is the essence of the third kindness of parents. Of course, there are still instances where this can take the form of direct training from parent to child, such as for physical jobs that focus more on apprenticeship or mentorship rather than formal, institutional education.
On the fourth point, this is no longer a common practice in the West but is still the norm in most parts of the world. However, this should not mean coercive, arranged marriages. It is best to take this more as helping one's children to look for a partner who can support and take care of them rather than arranging forced marriages. If they seem to be getting into unsuitable relationships, then they should be warned and reprimanded. However, they are also responsible for themselves, and it would be unwholesome to impose one's will over another even if it comes from a place of care and worry. The decision rests on the children on who they believe is the best partner for them, and one's role as parent is simply that of a guide that ultimately defers the decision to the one they are guiding.
On the fifth and final point, parents should not hoard their wealth nor make it hard or inconvenient for inheritance to be transferred or given. Why? It is important for parents to have everything in order before they pass, set up their children for success, and ensure they leave no pending matters to their children. This allows their children to adjust and learn how to use their inheritance properly, especially when one is still alive and can still provide guidance. One's children will also not be surprised by unexpected debts, unknown issues, or new concerns that their parents were not able to settle before they passed, which can lead to unintended complications and conflict, such as conflicts over inheritance among siblings. If one prepares for this, a parent can ensure that their children can and will be taken care of. They do not wait until they are old and frail, have no time to guide their children, or die without any preparation in place.
Ultimately, the entire point of the paragraph is that children should allow themselves to be taken care of and nurtured by their parents, fulfilling their obligations and honoring their memory and legacy, while parents should ensure they set their children for life by disciplining them, providing them education, and supporting them in every way they can before their inevitable passing. This is the foundation of a harmonious, reciprocal relationship between parent and child. When parents fail to provide for their child, what would people think of those parents? Selfish, abusive, and despicable. When a child fails to support good parents, what would people think of that person? Ungrateful, disrespectful, and conceited. Therefore, this relationship must be cultivated both ways.
To conclude, here is a portion of the Maṅgalasutta (Kp 5):
Education and a craft,
discipline and training,
and well-spoken speech:
this is the highest blessing.
Caring for mother and father,
kindness to children and partners,
and unstressful work:
this is the highest blessing.
Giving and righteous conduct,
kindness to relatives,
blameless deeds:
this is the highest blessing.
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